Nothing others do is because of you. What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream. When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’t be the victim of needless suffering.
The second agreement of the 4 agreements tells us "Don't take anything Personally". Sometimes this can be hard. Why? Because sometimes, we feel we have to live up to "other's" expectations. So, when it looks like when people comment or become critical about us, we do take it personally. This is something we all can relate to you. Because, we all have been here at one tyme or another.
We also strive to be "accepted" by other people, ie family, friends, co-workers, even strangers. This is Human Nature, we all do this. We were "taught" that we must place others first in our lives, instead of ourselves, only teaches us to please others before I do myself. So when others do not understand our "intent", or did not like what we have done, they remark about things, and we have no choice but to take it personally. But we do have a choice.............
"Nothing others do is because of you."
Think about that comment for a second. Every day, every action I make is a choice I had made. We are only responsible for our own choices. Period!!. We can not make anyone do anything. We may suggest things, but end product is they have to make the choice. Just as for ourselves, people may suggest things, but I have to make the choice to do it. With that choice I make, and the end result is not good, or intended, was it the person who suggested it to me at fault? No!!
I made the choice to do it. Just as they made their choice to do things. We are only responsible for our own choices. So when someone tells me, it was because of me, this only says you are responsible for their choices. This is how people can shift blame and guilt onto others, by refusing to accept their "own responsibility". If I accept this, am I taking things personally?................
Nothing others do is because of you.
"What others say and do is a projection of their own reality, their own dream."
How and what I see is different from you. Each of us sees and process thoughts differently. This is what makes us unique. Look at the word projection. To project is to put or send out. If I am an angry person, constantly being angry, at everyone, the world, then my thoughts and words that I will project is going to be filled with anger and discord. That is my "reality", my dream. We can insert any emotions in that last sentence, and the result will be same of the emotion we inserted. This is the reality of a person life. If I am critical person, and say critical things about you, and I allow myself to feel hurt by that person words, am I saying, yes, I accept your blame?
Is this the truth? or am I accepting that persons reality and dream which is different from myne?
In Miguel Ruiz book "Voice of Knowledge"*, he talks about our lives. Our lives is a story written by our own selves. You are the writer of your own life. You are the main character in your own story, or (life). It questions us in how we create our story or life. In our story or life, the main character is ourselves. Not family, friends, co-workers, strangers. They are secondary, because in their own life-story they each are the main character in thier lives, and we are secondary. If I choose to accept responsibility from what another person says about me, which I know is not true, what am I doing?
I am choosing to believe their story instead of my own. Their reality and dream instead of my own. Is this taking things personally?
"When you are immune to the opinions and actions of others, you won’tbe the victim of needless suffering."
Immune, opinions, actions, victim,needless suffering. Alot of key words here. Immune is to prevent. So how do I immune from taking things personally? By believing in ourselves. By knowing and understanding our own intentions. I know why I did something, because I know what my intentions were. Alot of tymes we see people do things, we ask or wonder why? It's because of that person intentions. So as we might not know the intentions, many people will honestly not know our own intentions.
So, they become opinionated, and their actions towards you could be different than what we expected. So, if I choose to believe what they said, and knowing what I was trying to do or create, will this make me take things personally? Absolutely. When we take things personally, we feel bad, we feel un-cared- or un appreciated. When we feel these emotions, we feel, we can't do enough or do things right or please anyone, yet alone ourselves, so we feel even more worse, which now we begin to feel like a "victim", and we will suffer emotionally in many ways. ie: sad, angry, resentful, .
When we allow ourselves to believe what others say about us in a negative atmosphere, it erodes our own self confidence, our creative ability, our desires and eventually our own dreams. Once we accept in our hearts who we are, all of our good qualities and some not so good qualities, it is irreverently what others say about me. Because we will learn to know our truths. That is the truth of ourselves. So, if someone says something to belittle me or disparagingly of me, I do have a choice. I can believe and accept their reality and "story", or I can believe my own. Suffer no more.
Walk In Peace
Sojo
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